Hi there, my name is Bella, I am 40 years old and my emotional age feels like that of a 13 year old although my mental age could be evaluated to probably 60 and above. With me sharing these bits of my past, I am trying to heal my teenage years through going back to events and moments that would forever shape the adult I became and turned me into the doubtful fearful middle aged woman that I am today. 

In order to level up and improve in all areas of my life, I am ready to revisit those moments that feel like only mine, as though anyone around me during those instances never noticed anything and they still weigh on my heart as things no one else can relate to. I am certain that this idea is totally wrong and maybe I will find relief in laying those things to rest and realizing that they were not as bad as my mind reminds them.

Just a little disclaimer to anyone reading this, some passages might be triggering, some instances will be exposing people from my past and everything I will be sharing are only based on the point of view of my younger self, how I perceived things and the feelings those events triggered in me. My memories and feelings are valid, but this will not invalidate anyone else’s that remembers parts of my story differently.  

Although I have felt unseen and misunderstood my whole life, I would like to highlight that this is mainly me stating facts, hoping that someone relates but I no longer feel the need to be understood or even less being pitied. I am certain that getting this out of my head and on paper, it will give me the closure and validation I have craved my whole life. Thank you for being part of this journey and get in touch if you resonate with any of it.